Our Common Ground
Some days it takes all I have to keep it together. A few days ago I had one of those days. Appointments piling up on the calendar, messes scattered across every surface of the house, one sweet child learning how to handle overwhelming emotions (brought on by a broken toy), while a busy toddler decides today is the day to repeatedly climb onto the table top while while mom is not looking!
I wish I could say I handled it all in stride. But, oh man, would I be lying. Normally, when I sense my blood pressure rising I plan our escape..."come on kids, we are going outside".
Today we had errands and school and naps and so many other things that amounted to not enough time outside. And once we did finally make it out to play it was much later in the day and we all forget to check our baggage at the door.
Going out normally acts as a natural reset button for all of us. But the day in question started out with bickering and ended with a spectacular power struggle. Not exactly a peaceful outdoor experience to say the least.
I treasure our time outdoors. Even if we only get as far as the front yard to play catch or the back yard to dig in the dirt, there is something so special about time outside together. So on the rare occasions when that time ends up turning into having to manage negative emotions and end our play, it really throws me off my game!
With that said, everything unraveled that day when my busy toddler wanted desperately to take a walk while my exhausted preschooler really needed to lay in the grass and stare at the clouds. My compromise was to try and suggest a very short walk. But instead of listening to the firm "no" that my son was giving me on that suggestion I forced the issue. Needless to say it did not end well and we eventually landed back in the house.
While I am a strong nature advocate, I am not going to lie, taking the kids out is not always easy. It works for us because I make it work. And I make it work through letting go. Do the kids need to be supervised at their young ages, of course. But I give them a lot of leeway and try to respect their need for space at the same time. I treat the outdoors as our common ground and I think that by doing that the kids look forward to getting outside and they relax as we walk out the door. It is a place that no matter what our age, we can all see eye to eye. We become more present outdoors somehow and most days find a very natural rhythm to our play.
One week I took the kids to the same beach for seven days straight. The length of time and time of day varied but I learned countless about creating a routine outside. The first day the kids weren't sure what to do. They wandered through the area, just getting to know the space. The second day they interacted a lot more with the elements but argued a bit and I ended up with a fistful of sand in my eye! (total accident but not fun!!). By the third day something changed, I noticed the kids gravitating towards a more focused play. The fourth day came and we all engaged in our own activities at the beach. By the last day there they had come to greet the beach as if it was their own. They became familiar with the space and as they did they relaxed into it and became engaged with it on so many levels. It was simply amazing to watch that transformation take place! I could have easily thrown in the towel after the sand in the eye incident but I'm so glad we carried on!
Getting kids outside is not magic, well at least not always. There will still be days when disagreements, tantrums, and normal childhood conflicts will arise, but there is a reason why it happens less outside. Repeated exposure combined with the parent's ability to allow freedom of play, gives children the ability to take ownership of the perfect place and space for their growing minds to be. There is no better teacher than the natural world. For both children and adults alike. Learn to greet the outdoors as a friend rather than a mere acquaintance. Be there for it no matter what the season and it will give back to you a hundred fold. Co-parent with the great outdoors because it truly is our common ground!
